It was most pleasing Saturday. I had spent it with my friends. After all roaming n fantastic dinner I returned home. I started my pc and enjoyed film pirates' part 2.

Movie was cool ,Whole night I was dreaming ship, storm, sea and experiencing that thrill. It was about 3 O' clock in morning I was still seeing movie in front of my eyes.

Beside of all that pirates drama, captain , lovers , fighters one more thing clicked on my mind. That was .. Magical compass. yea that tiny object which were used to get direction of our desire. It was used in film to find out way which leads thing which we most desire.

For that heroine, her lover was her ultimate desire. But for captain, who was shown behind treasure all movie, when he faces that compass he rediscovers his ultimate desire that ship not that treasure.

This was extremely nice idea of creator of movie to show that sometime we just don't understand what we really want... Sometimes we need magical compass to show where our real desire lies. I still remember when I was in school I always used to dream college,

I used plan my that how I will enjoy my college days. In college I used to decide about job, my career .Sometimes I used to get fascinated by movies, fashions.. I used to fantasies myself on fashion shows. Sometimes I used to dream myself as executive in MNC. When I enjoyed my college.. I joined MNC my desires did not completed .. rather they gave birth to more other desires. Now I want to keep my figure as it was in college. I want to go ahead in my career I want to see myself as top management and what not.

I thought if I would have got that magical compass what direction it would have shown to me? The direction of my lover's home? (As god has not revealed yet who he will be ) or direction of top management cabin, direction of USA, direction of bank or simply direction of some five start restaurant where I really want to have one fundoo dinner with my friends group?

I could see myself full of incomplete desires, wishes and endless dreams. That too also never ending. I was not able to figure out which of these desires is my ultimate desire. What I really wanted.. which thing if complete then there will no other wish after words.

We always want to satisfy our heart our soul. Our desires are reflection of soul. When anybody says he/she achieve heights we can imagine a heart full of positive energy and soul poured in each hard work.

Like that I was thinking where is my soul poured into? Where is my ultimate desire lies?

I went in front of mirror. I imagined as if I am holding same magical compass, I closed my eyes.

I could see rays coming from long dark. I could see I am wearing panjabi dress instead of corporate westerns. I could see I am sitting on sea shore instead on AC cabin.. I am holding my best friend's hand instead of laptop. The view is not of that polished cubicles, but a evening at sea face. My grandpa and granny are enjoying butta. My father is showing sunset to my mom.. my two brothers are arguing, playing in sand. wow!! They have built sand fort too.. nice to see them playing. I watching , enjoying the happy view of my family. I felt great satisfaction. My money , my prestige, nothing in world could buy this. A normal , simple view of life!!! Happy evening calm life with my family and off course my friend after all friends are too part of life. I continued that dream, that seeing that enjoyable view.. feeling that soul satisfaction. Oops what is it?/ my friend wetted me with sea water n ran away .. ok let me teach her lesson.. I started running behind her.. with lots of water in my hand.. two friends spent all evening playing with sand..

I did not forget this dream. I believe I would never need Magical compass here after. ;-)) .

I am about to reach my home. Wow!!! I was stunned by seeing a large teddy hanging outside children's shop.

I could not stop myself; I bought it for my sweetie. I was too excited to show teddy to my chottu .I drove back instantly.

I literally ran towards my apartment. I unlock my flat I threw my laptop on sofa. Snow fall was getting harder outside. It was chilling like anything. I forgot all my office tensions. I started calling "chottuu chotuu.." I was expecting some giggle .. some soft noise.. From inside...

My eyes opened wide when my roommate came out. She gave me horrified look. She was rather confused. She put her hand on my shoulder. I saw her face and came down from air. I kept teddy on floor with heavy hands. She whispered "I know you are missing your baby so much". Now I could not control I could see her face became blurred. Tiny tear kicked my mind control wetted my chins. I had simply forgot that I left my chottu in India. My 6-7 months old baby... Now according to time frame... He must be sleeping ..Dreaming his mom... His mom the corporate girl...

As I saw empty room ..All memories started gathering into my mind. I remembered that special day when I became mother. After I delivered my baby, nurse took him for bath and medical tests. When I came back to senses I was eagerly waiting for my golden gift.

Nurse came insight room, she handed me something soft soft, warm, lively, wrapped in white cloth. It was reddish flesh having tiny fingers, small nose, small eyes . I was so pleased , I thanked god for such a lovely gift. He was looking like small angel.

I recalled that once my mother told me when I was born I was as good as bald . I had hair only after some months. I smiled. I touched his forehead slowly removed cloth covering his head. Oops what I m seeing it was soft like all infant but no hair.. ehhehe he will become like me. He had inherited features from my hubby too but he will be my replica. I felt like I got world in my arms. I hugged him, those blessings from god touched my soul.

Snow fall had increased outside and hot storm in my eyes. I sat on floor touching my back on wall. Chain of all moments

Started in my mind. It was my last day in India. I still remembered each second on India airport. Last five minutes to check in.

I was hugging, kissing my chotuu like anything. I was not at all ready to leave him. He was wetting my shirt with saliva.

He was trying his grip on shoulders. Finally my husband took him away. Suddenly I felt small jerk on my neck.

Oops he was holding my wedding ornament in his grip and smiling towards me. My baby was trying all possible ways to

Convert corporate element into his mom. I still remembered how difficult it was to take my necklace back from his hands.

Ten tiny figures were fighting with me and making me as weak as possible.

I left with him heavy mind. As I moved ahead I ignored that loud cry, I became deaf. I closed my mind, dumped my heart at airport itself.

As night spread dark allover, questions covered my mind. Was I selfish? Was I heartless? Did I forget humanity?

Did I have right to part one child from mother? I never had answer to these questions though they used to burst my brain each day. I could only recall that day when my PM asked me for this assignment.

"Shalaka you have been excellent team leader and technical guide our account for last 4 years. In fact after you maternity leave you came up as most capable team leader. " .. "yeah. You too gave me nice opportunities to prove myself" .. "So keeping all in mind I want to offer you new assignment for which you will be onsite coordinator for 2 months and thereafter you will continue as Project Manager. " " PM n me? "

It was brightest day of my career. I achieved my destination for which I was putting my all energy from years n years .Saying No to this opportunity was out of question as it would have lead turning down good will of my seniors. For that moment for that point I left my personal life. It was matter of only two months. As all professionals sacrifice their personal life for career I did the same. I felt nothing wrong.

But everything wrong started when 4^th month started on my assignment in US itself. There was no sign that I am going back to India. Today, in meeting client asked me whether I can stay back for another month. I simply diverted him from topic.

It was jolt in my stomach. Nobody was caring for infant who was waiting for his mom in India. Neither my desi PM nor my client.

I called up my home. My hubby started video conferencing. It was such pleasure to see my chotuu on my screen. We were chatting about general topics. My hubby was sharing all stories about my baby. How he is trying to walk, how he is making everyone laugh. How many things he had broken in our house ..,. He shared every moment of chottu which I missed. After listening all, I wished that I could touch those lovely chins through my laptop's screen. Suddenly chottu jumped on laptop s lap and he waived his hand towards me. He grabbed laptop and started kissing my image. I could not with stand with that storm. I could not see such a small baby missing his mom like anything.

Now everything was clear, corporate girl , non electric machine dissolved in deep love. I knew I was simply going out of race.. the rat race. But sometimes your priority gets changed. You need to provide resource where it is actually needed. Oops again that techi language... anyways I decide to go back. I wiped out my tears. I needed to put email to Pm describing all reasons professional reasons. But what if he denies? ok.. I took another decision. I typed my resignation kept it in drafts. Now it was no way coming back. It shook my head for a moment. I could recall all my endless efforts to achieve this height. All comfort n dignity that I am used with. But this time I did not let that OSC and future PM win over me. I sent email with attachment explaining reasons.

That night I felt as if it's last night in US. I was dreaming my departure to India. My chottu..standing with his father. Waiting eagerly for me. As sun rise. I felt my Pm must have thrown my email in deleted items. So probably today will be my last working day. I did not dare to switch on my laptop till I got into office.

There was one unread email. Yea it was from my PM only. I tried my best to keep my heart strong. I opened it ..

It said :-

Ok .. Shalaka . I will putting formal mail regarding your transfer to India. Well I personally liked your attachment of reasons. J. Your baby is too sweet. He looks like you.

I was extremely happy reading that mail. I could not understand how he agreed in first shot.. well something else clicked in my mind. Why he is mentioning about my chotuu.. ? I checked my sent items. I sent email to my Pm with attachment. Body of email was correct but attachment? Big oops!! I accidentally attached chootu's image as reason attachment. That smiling baby worked!!! ;-)) .. My baby gave his best shot to get his mom back!!... it was all about true love.. my baby's love towards me..

I thought, I may achieve all heights in my carrier... But I will get my baby's childhood back. Whenever it wil be matter of priority, I will priories my soul first... I smiled I started back for my work. With great relaxations of mind I started my usual day in US.

"Please look at black board" My teacher roared looking at me and my friend.

"Shals.. Can't you look at black board and sleep? Because of you I will get punishment someday." "Can u sleep when she is shouting around? " I asked innocently. "Will teach you after this class" My friend assured me. I had to see at my science teacher and listen her now.

"Plastic melts because of heat. We can make many things out of it. Also it can be easily recycled." I started thinking "How plastic can melt?" I remembered that once there was no body at home then I tried plastic bag in front of our gas stove. It burned quickly and left one scar on my hand. Remembering that I thought somebody or plastic inventors may have changed plastic. Now instead of burning it has started melting.

But teacher should have showed us that. I decided to check new version of melting plastic at home. I asked my friend" will you come to my home? We will melt plastic" " But my mother had asked me to stay away from fire" My lazy friend replied. "oooff mamma's gul." I looked into her eyes wondering from when she has started listening to her mom. "ehehehhee Ok.. I can not come to your home as mom is going to pick me up today. Will try this someday".

I reached my home. I was too excited. I wanted to do my first experiment. I our school there was science lab. But only students from 7th and above std were allowed to do experiments there. I always wondered why it is so. Is it because they are two inch more than us? But I can also reach to experiment table. I have grown up to that height. Anyways I am not going to wait till 7^th std. and for my friend too. I will tell her how I enjoyed melting plastic afterwards. I am going to perform this right now. I started looking row material for my experiment.

But what I need? Let me decide first. I need plastic.a new plastic. I looked around there was plastic bucket in out bathroom. I thought this one is very old and must have been made from burning plastic. I wanted new plastic. I saw my brother was playing with plastic ball. I thought melting ball will be good idea. But what about my brother? That monster might start crying and ruin my experiment. I better keep him busy with playing.

Then what . ohhoo.. Mother has bought new plastic jar 2 days back.. ehehehheheh I can use that. I was happy I got my first material. Now I need to get some silence and fire.

But I remembered past incident and looked at my hand. That scar was still there.

I thought if this big jar starts burning then? No. let me try another way. I thought Instead of taking jar into gas stove, I will bring some heat near to jar. Then jar will start melting and I will take heating material away.

I had tried heating our metal spoons, sewing needles before. After burning my fingers several times I became expert now. I will try with needle first then spoon as a second try.

I will use my favorite sewing needle for this. I was too much excited by now. I collected all materials I need. Now I need to wait till my mom leave for market and keep my brother away from kitchen.

Finally she left for market. I assured her I will take care of home and will not touch my brother. I ran towards kitchen. I took long needle in my hand. After heating it I took jar in other hand. But. suddenly I thought my mother will start shouting if she see her jar is melted.. ehhh I could have thought this before.. hummm this needle will not melt jar fully. I have to melt very small portion so she will not recognize it.

But what can be the best portion? After long thinking I decided to melt jar from BOTTOM !! yes ,.. If I make hole at bottom she will never come to know as she will not see there. So clever I m!!!

I was happy with my decision. I heated needle again and touched jar.. whoopppy .. It melted there..leaving one small hole at bottom of the jar. I completed my experiment.

I was feeling so nice. Finally I melted plastic. I was too excited to tell whole story to my friend.

Next day I returned from school. Whole day I enjoyed telling my experiment's story to friends. Everybody was wondering how I can manage with fire and I was busy telling them more and more stories. I was happier that mom could not discover any thing about my experiment. I relaxed and started my favorite T.V. show. And my mom came to me

With plastic jar in hand. "Y u did this?" .Her red eyes and another empty hand frightened me. "Yeah mom I haven't touched it. Bro has done this" .She told me calmly "he can not climb on gas stove. I know it's you". I thought there is no point in hiding now. "Ok ... I did it. But how did you come to know. Hole is at bottom" she said "that's the reason I came to know so quickly. Idiot!! Water started falling from jar the second I poured into".

"Then I understood whose brain it could be. Now don't use your brain next time other wise I will use my hand" She threw jar in waste and went in kitchen. I was safe. She did not beat me. There was no harm to listen her warnings for two-three days J JJ

I smiled. I understood why "Only 7^th Std. and above students are allowed to experiment!!" J

I wanna get back my passion

I wanna crush the struggle

I wanna have some giggle again.

I wanna enjoy that success

I wanna answer this failure again..

I wanna restore my soul

Which will win world whole again.

I wanna wash dark night

I wanna pour some light again.

I wanna forget heart break

I wanna fall for my crush again..

I wanna search that gul

So confident so natural

So positive so energetic

I wanna get rid of this one

Who is fed up of all life.

I wanna go back

I wanna one U turn

I wanna live my life again.

"See that" "She is so beautiful" My brother exclaimed while seeing one of the advertisements. I turned back and saw Priyanka chopra. She was looking gorgeous in "Lux" ad. I smiled at my brother, it was 5^th time he was seeing that ad and giving same reaction each time. This time it triggered chain of thoughts in my mind.

What is beauty? Somebody may say Aish Rai; somebody might be crazy about hema malini, rekha... or like my brother somebody may add Priyanka in list.

Oops!! So many different answers for just one question? Or rather I should say each one can give different answer.

There are many people who believe "Beauty lies in Viewers eyes!!" Definition for beauty is different for individual. We learn from childhood that our qualities, behavior, education are measures of our beauty rather than our body. Is it really true? Do we really accept it?

If we accept it then what's the use of those makeup boxes? Why that huge bill of fancy clothes lying in our pocket? Who has told us to go to gym n shape up our body??

Why we don't work on being good person rather than shaped one? There are endless questions we can ask our self. Reason is we are ordinary people we want to follow our Idols. We appreciate beauty and want to have that.

It's so pleasant to have great body, excellent features. When mirror says "yes you are looking great today!!" it makes our day. There is no other Joy when our friend /colleague notice our new avatar n compliments it. Being beautiful is as pleasures as being rich.

If we can be so happy by only compliments in our limited world then I can imagine joy of "Miss Universe" and "Miss world" kinda personality. When world recognize them as symbol of beauty, when millions of people follow there style, we can just imagine that happiness of being top of the world. They must be having one common thing in their mind "I AM BEUTIFUL!!" Yes...They must be feeling their beauty... World is now beautiful for them!!! Every body wishes to feel the same... To feel beauty...

Sometimes I think why God did not make everybody as beautiful as Kajol or Hrithik? Why he gave this touch to only some of his creations not all of them? Was he in mind of partiality? He must have given something special to his each child. To find what's it is left as our duty. But sometimes we compare what we have with others and I do not know why every nice thing we have we find it less than that of others and every unpleasant thing more than that of others!!

When I tried to find my beauty in mirror I could not find any kinda special there. It was normal and thankfully far away from ugly. But when I tried to look into my mom's eye

I was more beautiful or probably only beauty in world... So much difference in two image.. I though mom's eyes always show extra... I checked into my brothers' eyes.

I appeared to be more beautiful that all of his college friends... I was confused...

How I can have so many different mirror images? I now looked into my friend's eyes. Oops her eyes were showing satisfaction that I could manage to look better than what I am. Am I really beautiful? Or I have so many images in people's eyes which are beautiful?

I smiled... I got the answers . "I am beautiful" .There is no need that I should have eyes like Aish. There is no need that I should have body like Priyanka. I am beautiful for people who matters for me. I can see my beauty in my loved ones. There is no need of world following your style. One brother is enough who says "I wanna be like you".

No need of millions of fans. Be your own fan!! .. Be your own favorite!! .. No need to find beauty in outside. just find treasure inside...

I looked back in mirror. I could see brighten image... I could see Normal girl standing inside mirror.. Appearing beautiful in world's eyes!!!